i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
