my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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