My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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