Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
