To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My feet surprised me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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