Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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