I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dick has a subreddit
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
