I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
