At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
