I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
