i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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