He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
