my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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