I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
