You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
