3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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