i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
