were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
