You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
