Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize