im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The Olympian is in my bed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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