Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said her name was "party"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
