he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
