Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
