3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
