Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
