We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
