can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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