Already got asked if we're dating
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
