you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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