Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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