he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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