Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
