ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
