I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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