they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
