There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
