Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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