My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
