i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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