I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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