At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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