you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
