shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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