the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
