i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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