Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
