i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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