Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My first STD was from a foam party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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