everyone is single if you try hard enough
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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