Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
