Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
