Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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