I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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