I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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