Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
