I just pynch a tree in the face
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
