dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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