She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize