I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
