ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
