Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
