wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
