I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
