I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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