Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
