Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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