We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
