he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
