OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
