Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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