Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
