You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
