Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
