Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
