Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
