I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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