Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
