i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
