I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
