his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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