We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my liver is dry heaving
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