Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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