He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
