Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
