woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
