I murdered the dance floor call the cops
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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