Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
