I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
